Marriage is worth fighting for

My husband and I got married in November 2005. We had a short dating period (4 months) and an even shorter engagement period (1 month) but we just knew that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. We knew that we wanted to do life together but most importantly we wanted to share Jesus with others together. 

Right after we got engaged I went on Birth Control. Almost immediately I started having complications, but I ignored them thinking this was normal, because I had never been on birth control before and I was scared to talk to anyone. We got married in November and it was gorgeous thanks to our amazing wedding planner and best friend Beth. (Another story for another day but we were just going to go to the Justice of the Peace and then have a wedding later but she wasn't having any of it and planned the whole thing for us she's amazing like that) In February we went to Colorado to see my mother-in-law, she wasn't able to make it to the wedding, we were there for 2 weeks and she told me that I looked really pale and like I didn't really feel good, which was the truth I had no energy and it was like I was dehydrated but that wasn't it. So towards the end of our trip I called my OBGYN and set up an appointment for when we returned. 

We went to the doctor and my wonderful OB, which is a godly man, told me that the birth control was making me anemic. I had a couple of options and they were for him to give me a shot but that could cause trouble for us when we wanted to actually start trying or we could just do nothing and leave it up to God. He said that any other type of birth control would give me the effects that this one had. He told me we didn't have to decide that day, we could just let him know, but he did want to do some more blood work that day. So he left the room, so Andrew and I talked and prayed about it and felt like we would just do nothing and allow whatever happened happen. Little did we know that life was about to be turned upside down...

As little girls we dream of marry the man of our dreams, have the house with the white picket fence, and have 2 kids a boy and a girl. Well in March we had our first miscarriage and then another and another. By all accounts I was healthy and nothing in my history would show a reason to struggle with fertility. After several procedures, infertility drugs and a surgery it was determined that I had adhesions from endometriosis. I had the surgery and he removed the adhesions. Two more miscarriages followed that surgery and I had a second surgery and at that time found out that I had lost my right ovary. Basically the adhesions had covered the ovary and smothered it, so while he was in there he went ahead and took out the right tube because my left ovary and tube was the strong one and the right tube was getting in the way and blocking it. When I woke up from surgery I was devastated but determined. All I ever wanted to be was a mommy. 

After the surgery we continued the infertility medicine but my marriage started to suffer. I couldn't even have a conversation with my husband without yelling. I blamed him. Eventually it went from me yelling at him to not even talking to him, to me sleeping on the couch. We went to church but we sat in different pews. We went to dinner together but we didn't speak. This lasted for 4 months. During this time my husband tried. Oh did he try. I just wouldn't have any of it. I was angry, I was angry at Andrew because he couldn't give me kids and I was angry at God because he wouldn't give me kids. 

One day Andrew and I sat down to talk and I told him that I thought it wasn't fair to either of us to stay in this marriage. The words that came out of his mouth next amazed me and he said, "I'm not giving up, you are worth fighting for" I don't really remember a lot of the conversation from there. I just remember a flood of words and emotions came out. Our marriage was restored. 

There are few people that know our story. They know about the infertility but they don't know about the "Messy Beautiful Love" I never thought I would write this. Never in a million years!!! As I have said I am on the launch team for Darlene Schacht's new book Messy Beautiful Love. I get to read it and give a review on it. I came to part of the book that reminded me of my husband, his love for me and the love for our marriage, and most importantly his love for God. Darlene and her husband are having a discussion about their finances and this is what she said, "Watching him fight for our marriage reminds me that sacrificial love is so important to achieving unity. That's what marriage is about really- it's growing together as one so that we reflect the unity of the covenant between Jesus Christ and the church" That quote inspired me to write this blog post. Whatever comes our way in our marriage our marriage is worth fighting for. My husband is commanded in Ephesians 5 to love me like Christ loves the church and I am commanded to submit to him. My husband takes that command very seriously and showed me that day and everyday since that he does. 

Now don't get me wrong we are not perfect, but we love each other and are willing to fight for our marriage. :) 

And so you know there is a happy ending to our infertility story. God granted us 2 beautiful little girls through the miracle of adoption. You can read all about that on our blog Journey with the Lanes if you would like.